Hi, My name is Ivy and I am a food addict.......

 So, you are probably wondering about how I actually blog since I have yet to post anything other than photos and recipes.

Well I will start off by saying I am not a typical blogger. I am new to all of this stuff. Because I have so many interests, I tend to just jump from one topic to another.
Like I could be talking to you about my Etsy store and the latest necklace I just created then we end up on my latest photo I just took.

I think the main reason why I decided to talk through a computer is mainly because of my weight. I am ok talking about it, though it does make some people uncomfortable. I walk into a room and there it is in all its glory. Hi, My name is Ivy and I am a food addict.......

I could honestly dedicate an entire blog to talking about my experiences as an obese woman.
Obese, sounds like such a profane and dirty word honestly. Just saying it out loud in your head makes your whole body recognize the word and the weight it carries.. lol see that pun I made there.

I know it's hard for people to really see me because of it. Can you blame them? Can you blame yourself for the words that enter in your head when you see a woman of my size walking in the room?  It's not very often at all I will see someone larger than me talking amongst everyone in the public eye. I know there are many times where people have not wanted to talk to me, laughed in their private circles and whispered among there peers "God, just shoot me if I ever get like that."
With those people comes the other people I like to call the stick uppers.

The stick uppers are the people that hate anyone getting bullied or feel they need to defend me for the size I am, using excuses like "She is beautiful inside and out" or "It's not the size of the person that makes them who they are" I smile politely at these people and thank them for their kindness. They don't know any better, they think this is more of the choice I made. They think that I am beautiful for me and that they love me no matter what... I appreciate this and hate this at the same time.

Yea, I am pretty, I am a very good person, I have a great moral character, I also have an uncanny ability to soothe any distressed person with just the warmth from my heart. I am what is called the eternal counselor, because anyone and everyone can talk to me without the fear of judgement. I have the ability to talk to strangers and have them immediately trust me, because they sense that I am a sweet and wonderful person. My husband and I like to call my skill, "Making Single Serving Friends" based off the movie Fight Club. I can be standing in line in a grocery store and the person either in front of me or behind me will start a conversation with me out of no where and we will start talking like we were old friends and before you know it, you pretty much told me everything there is to know about you.

But none of this excuses me for the person I am today if we are talking very honest here. I did make my own choices. I did choose a pint of ice cream over wearing cute little shorts. I did choose to eat at the all you can eat buffet because I knew it would be cheaper than fast food because I could eat more that the price they were charging for the meal.

I am not one of many women that were skinny at one point then had life and kids happen to them, those women have an excuse. Their bodies reflect how life has changed them. Me however, I have always been like this.
When I was in 6th grade, I was already wearing stirrup pants. I was already getting chaffing on my thighs from them rubbing together. I was a product of a large family, fast food, and no one really cared about excersise and nutrition. When I was a kid, I had the excuse, but now that I am an adult, I have no one to blame but me. I have been offered a world of advice, counseling, free martial arts classes, and many people with their countless words of wisdom on how they lost the weight, but I still always loved my couch and ice cream to keep me company.

Is it right to stick up for the person who chooses to not get help? Should I be allowed to lump myself in the same category as women that have taken care of themselves and then through just a normal process of age, children and life found themselves in the same category as me?

I am my biggest critic, I punish myself more than enough to make up for whatever punishments the human race can throw at me for what I have done to myself. I look at myself in the mirror on a few occasions for only minutes, because I don't even want to see what stares back at me.

Then, Cameron was born... With him came a new insight about what I have done to myself and made me decide that ice cream was not worth missing his graduation. Cheesecake is not worth missing the Mom and Son dance at his wedding. Brownies are not worth the ability to run with him through a park.

This kid has saved my life in so many ways. I can and can't wait to meet the man he will become. He is already too smart and independent. He won't be my baby for long at all. I feel I will have to tell him to slow down and be a kid more than anything else.. And there I go, ending up on another subject.

I am sure I will touch base on this topic again since its a big one for me, but for now at least I have started the process of talking about it. Hi, My name is Ivy and I am a food addict.......

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